The first steps into my Journey of Self-healing

•The last 7 yrs of my life have been a painfully slow journey, that flew by all too fast. A journey I can’t help but replay in my mind over and over again, as if it were a broken record. Its a journey of loss. A journey of sorrow. A journey of pain. A journey of self-loathe & hatred. A hopelessly endless journey of which I had to learn to walk alone.

•My past had taught me how the most valuable lesson on continuing to hold on; to never stay down and to always pick myself right back up. I slowly started to find the broken pieces of my darkened past & started trying to mold them whole again, putting the pieces slowly back together. In the beginning stages of my lonely journey I made a lot of heart-breaking and life changing mistakes; I took wrong turns again and again refusing to ask for direction, and used the easy road a few too many times. I continuously repeated the same mistakes over and over again. I chose instant gratification vs. dedication and patience, and I always seemed to choose the hardest paths available to me. I was then a person that I currently can not say I was even remotely proud of. I had turned into everything I had promised myself I would never be!

•The most valuable thing I have taken from the almost-decade of life I threw away and continuous mistakes & bad choices that made up every part of me, was that I am not defined by the situations OR circumstances of my past. I do not have to continue to live in the mistakes i had made in my younger years of life, before I had any real life knowledge, experiences or wisdom. I can not continue to beat myself-up for the choices I had made before I had the chance to really even know better.

•The perception-change on how I viewed my current situation and life gave me a choice of how it could all turn back around from the direction I was heading, & that choice created a shift in energy that became the focal point of change I needed in life and in myself to pick myself up and get back up one last time. When I stopped viewing myself and my life circumstances threw victims eyes, and stopped pitty towards life for dealing me a shitty deck of cards before I had the choice, life shifted. I still feel the remaining aches and pains in my heart and soul of all the loss and grief of my past(and I don't think that will ever change be, as grieving those who are still very much alive is a different level of loss & sorrow), I now just view it differently.

•I know that just because I was once her does not mean I am destined to be her for the rest of my life. I believe I have come very far within myself and my life, but life isn’t perfect & I will still have my own struggles that I must continue to battle. But today I do have a life I never dreamed of being able to reach, even if it’s a life I would have chose for myself. I’m doing my best to catch-up in adulting and real life, and I’m working towards giving myself a life I can provide on my own. I do it with lots of patience for my at-times dreadfully slow progress, w/ grace in my foot steps, & remembrance in my mind and heart of where I came from and how quickly I could be right back there.

•So here’s to a new year full of new opportunities, with new goals, new achievements, new life lessons, new trials, and a whole new Journey!

Enjoy the ride 😘